Making Small Talk

Small talk is something we all do no matter what culture we are from or country we live in.  It's a polite way to get to know others in social settings.  Making small talk is not just about the ability to say "hello" and nod and smile, but it involves one's ability to speak knowledgeably on a wide array of social topics. Therefore, reading the newspaper, books, magazines, watching the news regularly and by staying up-to-date on current events is a great way to improve one's ability to small talk. This is also a great way to build one's vocabulary. The ability to make 'small talk' can sometimes be influenced by one's personality - so are you outgoing or more of an introvert or a social recluse? So yes, personality does play a part, but it doesn't have to play a huge part.

When making small talk it's important to stay away from taboo subjects like politics, religion, sexuality, money, conflicts between countries and the like.  Making small talk can be easy when there is a common interest. You can talk about the weather (it affects everyone), your work day, a popular book or show, travel, shopping; trivial things.  Additionally, it's not only important to know how to make small talk, but it's also important to know when to end it.  Like making small talk, ending and changing the topic of conversation  is just as important and may also be an art. At the end of the day, making small talk comes easy if one stays up-to-date on current events, finds a common interest, listens well, and knows how and when to end or change the topic of conversation.

Dialog:

Now let's take a look at how to make small talk in a social setting.  You can also use this to role play with a family member or friend.

Lisa is supposed to meet her date, Jay at the Toronto Art Museum at 7:00 pm.  However, decided to leave early to avoid being caught in the evening traffic. She arrives at the museum 6:15 pm and decided to go to the museum store to waste time until her date arrives.

Sales associate: Do you need help finding anything?

Lisa:  No, I am just browsing.

Sales associate:  Okay. If you need help finding anything, please feel free to ask.

Lisa: Thank you.  I am meeting my date here, but I came a little early to beat the evening traffic. I really dislike getting caught in traffic.

Sales associate:  I understand!  It is so frustrating sitting in (congested) traffic waiting for cars to move. It's a waste of time!

Lisa:  I agree! (Laughs). It's also a waste of gas and money! It's quite inconvenient to take cars in big cities like Toronto, so imagine even bigger cities like Tokyo, London, Hong Kong and so on. It must be ten times more overwhelming.

Sales associate:  I have lived in places like London, England and I have to say that the train system is great; however, you are right, driving in the city can be really stressful.

Lisa: Oh, look at the time.  My date should be here already. It was really great speaking with you. My name is Lisa.

Sales associate:  Nice to meet you.  (Hand shake). My  name is Julie.  It was great speaking with you too. See  you around.  Take care.

Lisa: You too.  Bye.

Sales associate:  Bye.

Now your turn!

Topics of Small Talk:

Self-introduction - introduce name, hobbies, likes and dislikes, hometown or country of birth etc., and vise versa

Sports - popular sports, favorite teams, seasonal sports...

Family - children, spouse, parents...

Media - popular books and magazines, channels, music, the internet, current movies or favorite movies...

Weather - current weather forecast, favorite season(s), favorite seasonal activities or interests...

Work - career, career interest, your passion, employment...

Shopping - grocery shopping, clothes shopping, current trends in fashion, expenses...

Celebrities (a popular topic of conversation) - Hollywood, celebrities in the news; your favorite celebrity, actor or actress; singers and other artists...

Education - your major, schools attended ...

Current Events - (be careful here not to talk about politics or conflicts between countries unless you know the person well); natural disasters, crime/crime rate, the Prince of England's engagement...

Create your own dialog using the above list of popular topics of small talk as a guide when making small talk.

Below is an outline of how to do that.

You: How was your day at work?

Your friend/family member:  It was great/boring/...___________ (adjective).

You:  I am sorry to hear that./I am glad to hear that you had a good work day.

Your friend/family member: Thank you. How was yours?

You: __________________ (Respond).

Your friend/Family member: ___________ (Respond).


Vocabulary Review:


- Someone who is shy or gets nervous in social situations.

- a person who lives alone or in isolation.

 - When someone is informed of the latest information or news event.

current events - events or issues of interest to you found in the daily news

 - When something has a strong emotional effect on someone.

 - A build-up or increase of something (like cars on the road during rush hour).

  - Something that is of little importance.

 - This refers to when groups of people in government make collective decisions.  It also refers to the attitude and behavior of the government and people in different work environments.

Wide array - A variety of choices, collection, or opinion.  It is also a large collection of something.

Great job today!

 If you would like to know more about how to make small talk, the book below is quite informative.

Talking About Taboo Subjects

In every country and/or culture there are subjects which are considered taboo.  These include religion, politics, sexuality, poverty, historical conflict and relationships between countries.  There are times when what we are accustomed to or comfortable with is taboo in another culture and vise versa.

Dialog:

The dialog below is an example of how to approach taboo subjects in the Western culture.

In the process of teaching her E.S.L. class the students had some general questions for teacher Jenny about American culture, which turned out to be a great teaching opportunity.

Teacher Jenny:  Okay, class. Let's begin!  Today we are going to talk about describing people and their personality. This is a great subject because everyday we meet people and we may or may not like them,  however, it's great to be able to put into works what we think of them or what we have observed about them. Can anyone give me an example?

Student 1:  You can describe someone by their religious beliefs.

Teacher Jenny: That's right, but we don't, because it's considered to be a taboo.  We can describe someone's personality by using adjectives like "kind" or "loving". We can describe someone's physical appearance by using words like "tall" or "short".  However, we would not talk about their religious or political beliefs.  We would not talk about their wealth or sexuality and so on.  Does everyone understand that?

Student 1: So taboo means topics that makes people uncomfortable?

Teacher Jenny:  That's right! That's a good definition.

Student 2: Is walking under a ladder a taboo?

Teacher Jenny:  Good effort! However, that is a superstition.  Can anyone tell me what a superstition is?

Student 3:  They are beliefs or practices that aren't based on fact, experience or reason.

Teacher Jenny:  Perfect! That's exactly what superstition means. Now can someone give me an example of a taboo?

Student 2: Okay. An example of a taboo subject is someone's sexual preference. Right?

Teacher Jenny:  That's a great example. Yes. To make sure that we have a good grasps or understanding of what taboo means; could someone give me another example?

Student 4: How about an open conversation about race?

Teacher Jenny:  That's right!  It is inappropriate and socially unacceptable to speak openly about race. The foundation for that is because we are human beings first. Any questions?

Students: No! (in unison)

Teacher Jenny:  Great! Well done today everyone!  Tomorrow we will finish covering describing people and their personality. See you all tomorrow...

Now your turn!

Have a conversation or role play with a family member or friend about some taboo subjects in your country and another foreign country.  If you have immigrated, then have an open discussion about taboos in your country of birth and the country you immigrated to.  Use the outline below as a guide.

You:  In my country/In ____________ (give country name), __________ (say subject) is taboo.

Your friend:  Why is it considered taboo?

You:  It's taboo, because __________ (explain).  What are some taboos that you can come up with?

Your friend:  Let me think...  In my country/In ______ (give country name), ____________ (taboo subject) is taboo.

You:  Why is it a taboo subject?

Your friend:  It's taboo because __________ (explain).

You: Very interesting/That's great!

Great job today!

To learn more about taboos around the world you can purchase the book below.